I've been warned

So I've been warned.

I did something that started out with good intentions, and ended up possibly worsening a situation. And because of this, I have been warned. That unless I do something, there will be consequences.

I have not been talked to in this manner before by her. I'm not certain I understand how to take it. It seems so dire, and so different. It seems a threshold has been passed, one that I have never tried because I know if I did try it, it would mean something. Something truly serious.

I think I'm going to have to look into the matter further and see if I really made the situation worse. Perhaps I can alleviate the situation, offer some re-assurance. Or assess if there is anything wrong.

Either way, I know I don't like to be addressed in such a manner. But being an adult, I am trying to feel her part of the situation. I'm not certain she will give me the same latitude.

Dealing with a depressed spouse is often a roller coaster ride. It's hard not to want to respond to every thing they lay on you.

A Prayer to My Grandaughter

My Dear One,

I may never see you grow to maturity. There is no guarantee at this moment that I will ever see you again. I would like to leave you with these thoughts.

Be kind.
Do not learn to hate or to judge.
Forgive us for the mistakes we made. We can't foresee all the consequences we make when we decide to engage in life.
Trust goodness.
Love music, and art, and all things that resonate with your character. Dive deep into them. Make them affirm your life.
Trust your mother and your father.
Love with all your heart.
Sometimes hearts can break. It doesn't seem like it at the time, but you will get eventually get over it.
Relationships are complex, but they can be the best thing in this world. Accept the consequences of your actions, or inactions. You can only do what you can.
There are hard truths you may have to learn. It is all right to have regrets, so long as you learn from them.
Reach out for help if you need it. Do not keep your troubles buried within yourself, at least for long. You have permission to think about them, but once you have figured out what you want to do about them, release them.
Remember that you are loved through countless generations of your ancestors.
Remember I love you.

Compromise is not a sin

My last woot-woot of this political season…

Belief is not fact. And compromise is not a sin.

Most of this political stuff comes down to what a person is willing to believe, based upon their own predilections. It’s complicated, because a person comes to their beliefs over the course of years, so they may not even recognize where it was they turned one way or the other.

For some reason, somewhere in the course of my life, it became sexy to be inflexible.  People confused standing for something with being right about it – because there is no shorter path to egomania than to be right all the time. It’s masturbatory.  The rigid mindset gets interpreted as strength, and strength gets interpreted as sexiness.

The rigid mindset will also not entertain alternate theories, because any deviation from their “norm“ means that you’ve fallen from grace, doomed to hell, stupid, foolish. There is no “compromise” – that word gets equated with sin. And yet, compromise is what we adults do to accept the best solution from a set of choices.

I remember not long ago when the phrase “politically correct” was derided as a bad thing.  To myself, it wasn’t about lying about true feelings, or stifling free speech. It was about being polite. Of course, being polite equates to being soft - the opposite of showing strength - hence not sexy.

Hate and intolerance have become sexy. Think about that for a moment.  Ask yourself these questions:

• Is hate and intolerance good or bad?  I believe they are bad things. What do you think?
• What did your mother teach you about hate and intolerance?
• If you went to Christian church, what did your church teach you about hate and intolerance? What Biblical character used hate and intolerance to deceive mankind?

It is my belief that compromise is not sin, and we need compromise as a nation to be “great again”. Compromise is not a sin – it’s what adults do every day to make it through.

"To see with eyes unclouded by hate"

This week, I've seen political TV that feature these visions (among others):

• crocodiles devouring wildebeasts

• shapeless ghouls with cartoon white eyes

• graphic descriptions of children being immolated by "ferners"

• descriptions of babies being ripped from wombs

Is the world really this way, or is it just where some people live in their minds? I know it can be bad in places, but this bad? Really?

There is a tremendous anime film by the Japanese master Miyazaki called "Princess Mononoke". The film's male lead, Prince Ashitaka, fights off a demon consumed by (literally) blind fear and hatred to protect a village. In the process he is touched by the demon, and the contact point grows until it imperils his life. At a point later in the film, he reveals his arm to a crowd, saying,

"Look, everyone! This is what hatred looks like! This is what it does when it catches hold of you! It's eating me alive and very soon now it will kill me. Fear and anger only make it grow faster."

And yet, he travels to find a cure, with the conviction:

"To see with eyes unclouded by hate"

...because he knows hatred will consume him.

Were it that everyone could have this realization this in their lives. Consumers of hate will themselves be consumed. It is indeed an apocalyptic vision, one that the purveyors of hate and fear messages may not understand in their rush to power.

Let us join together in fellowship and common cause to defeat this demon of hate within ourselves.

The Give and Take

Stop being angry for a few moments today. Tear yourself away from the world, and all its ways to distract you. Figure out what you have, and be thankful. And consider these questions -

Are you able to feed and cloth your family?

Can you keep a roof over their heads?

Are they clean and safe?

What do you value more?

-- family

-- possessions

-- lifestyle

-- the well-being of the community

-- self expression

-- ...

The point I'm trying to make is that so many of the things we worry about have nothing to do with what is really important. We live in a country that is blessed with such an embarrassment of riches, we don't even realize it. We can achieve great success in this country, both individually and collectively.

But some don't reach that threshold of success. There are many ways people and families can fall, and it's not always because they lack some essential skill or ability.

My upbringing doesn't allow me to kick people when they're down.

Do you know someone how can't take care of their family? Maybe you should. Maybe then you will stop and consider your order of priorities.

If you'd read this far, I must apologize to you if you are angry. Whenever you ask people to be considerate of others, normally they seem to get really defensive at first. They will put up a defense or try to cut down others as not worthy.

I've found that when people put up a hard argument that someone else is lacking in some manner, they themselves have thought about it and consider it a weakness of their own. In other words, it can sometimes cut too close to home.

I include myself in this. Therefore, I am exposing with this blog that I feel I could help others more. I am trying, and am learning how to do this.

It's hard to give when the whole of our system is commanding you to take.

Try.

Protests at football games & the quality of outrage

I know protesting the American flag at NFL football games thing makes some of you outraged. But I would ask that you set your knee-jerk moral outrage aside for a moment to consider some points.

First, I would ask that you please remember that we have history in this country. Protesting is built into the very character of the American mindset and history. Protesting always makes some people outraged because they do not want the status quo upset.

Secondly, there have been various degrees of patriotic observance over the course of years. A generation ago, it was illegal and deemed non-patriotic to wear the American flag on a hat, or a patch, or on any clothing. Now you can't swing a dead cat without some hillbilly stretching an image of the flag with his gut. Where's the outrage there?

Thirdly, The NFL and most teams have a morality contract clause, but they don't have a patriotic clause. Unless contractually barred by contract or team guidelines, they are private citizens and can act as they see fit. Some football players get away with all sorts of illegal/immoral stuff, but if they are great on-the-field players they are forgiven. Where's the outrage there?

I once raised the issue (in another forum) of Native Americans having the right to burn the flag, because of the wholesale genocide European Americans inflicted upon them. This opinion was castigated as liberal guilt; I was just recounting history, and bringing one of the two great American sins that are part of our collective past. --> Plenty of outrage directed at me for that one.

This outrage over one man dissing the flag due to his convictions smells of other ("uppity") issues to me. People conveniently forget about history, or re-write it to suit their worldviews. And there are plenty of professional outrage-pushers that will "Rush" to inflame these issues for ratings.

Protests are necessary to keep us true to our American core, and human truth. People don't protest because they're happy, and don't do it on a national forum unless they have righteous convictions. In this country, at this stage, it takes real courage to do what that young football players is doing. No matter what you think, to set himself up for the abuse he will endure takes a special sort of American spirit - the kind of fortitude that many dismiss as (at the very least) ingratitude or (at the very worst) treasonous.

Please remember your history and consider, in the great scheme of things, our right and obligation to protest is what started us down the path to greatness as a country. Our revolution makes it necessary to protest wrongs for the collective good. I know this flies in the face of radical individualism, but that's my take.

We Are Better Than This

I blew it on Friday last week. It was after I found out about the homophobic slurs painted on the rock by the High School; more specifically, it was after I saw it on the Channel 17 News, and posted on Facebook. My anger exploded; and in a single thought, I expressed my (at then) belief that it was a particular group of people that did this act. I had no proof that they were the ones responsible; I jumped to conclusions. I let belief trump fact, something of which I am ashamed of doing. Worse yet, I expressed this knee-jerk belief on Facebook, not the best place to share irrational beliefs - given that trolls live and thrive there.

I made this reactive assertion because I deeply believe we are better than this. I care about the school, and the community, and I hate it when the news channels around here show the ugliness that people seem to do more often in this county than in others. Perhaps it’s part of their erroneous narrative that they want to paint us as backward, homophobic, racist boobs; it doesn’t help when parts of our community give them reason to paint us as such.

We are better than this. We are better than how they portray us to be. In fact, we are better than we think we are. We just need to be vigilant, and not be provoked by groups that want to cause havoc, or put their rights ahead of the community’s good standing.  We want to grow this community, not drive people away, and one good way we can do that, IMHO, is to not scare people away by fan the flames of hatred and bigotry.